Happy Pagan New Year!

It’s New Year’s again. This means drinking in a crowded place in a sweater you got a week ago while you sort through what a shitshow this last year has been. And then trying to get home before the streets start looking like a 28-themed zombie movie…but with drunken idiots. It’s awesome.

But perhaps you could enjoy tonight more if you embraced your inner pagan. The truth is, we all have an inner pagan (though for some of us it resides far closer to the surface than in others). Still, you can have a Happy Pagan New Year without pillaging your neighbors’ homes or getting arrested for public nudity. But how?

First, go wassailing. You’ve probably heard of wassailing (not sailing), but what does this really entail? Well, there are two versions of wassailing. The first is the house-visiting wassail, in which a group of people go from home-to-home singing and offering sips from a wassail bowl in exchange for gifts. Think trick-or-treating meets caroling, but with boozed instead of candy and golden-throated sanctimony. But the origins of wassailing are in the cider heartlands of England and were meant to secure a good apple harvest. Apple (or orchard) wassailing involved singing and banging pots at apple trees to ‘awake’ them and to scare away evil spirits that might screw up an apple harvest.

Either way, booze was a big part of wassailing as it takes a snootful to sing in public either to neighbors or to trees. The apple-wassailing drink of choice was a mulled ale with curdled cream, roasted apples, eggs, spices, sugar. So, to access your inner pagan, drink some hard cider and then go serenade that cute little birch tree in your yard or just do karaoke. Waes hael in Old English means ‘be well’ so no matter who you sing to, be sure to offer them that wish.

Second, enjoy libations. Now, since our modern understanding of ‘libations’ means a drink, you may think I am simply suggesting that you drink. ‘Well, duh’. But libations in the pagan world was to pour out a drink on the ground to honor our gods and ancestors. Yes, we do this these days when we pour one out for our deceased friends and loved ones (henceforth known as ‘homies’). So Norse, Celtic, Roman, and Greek Pagans all poured out some mead, ale, or wine to honor their deities and ask for blessings.

Though we are looking at pagans, this ritual is at least as old Ancient Mesopotamia. The Sumerian afterlife (Kur) involved spending eternity in a dusty cavern where you only ate dust. So, to offer a little liquid relief, the horrified Sumerians would to drop libations through clay pipes into the graves of their loved ones. Sound grim? Nah, don’t worry, Sumerians had a long life expectancy of 20-30 years before their eternity in Kur. And it didn’t matter if you were good or bad, you went to the same place. So, happy days! Anyway, if you can get that nightmare fuel out of your head, when you toast tonight at midnight and spill a little on the carpet, just explain to your irritated host ‘I am honoring the pagan gods…or giving someone in Kur a little relief’.

To next be your best pagan new year reveler, pay attention to the first-foot. The Scottish tradition of first-footing is part of their New Year celebration of Hogmanay and has its roots in pagan tradition. Centuries ago, Norse and Celtic pagan new year tradition was to open the front door ten minutes before midnight to let out the old year and let in the new one. And, following that, the first one in your door (the first-footer) after midnight set the tone for the new year. So, naturally, the hopes were that these first-footers brought positivity and good vibes. Practicality and tradition also held that they should bring coal (for warmth), bread (for sustenance), salt (for luck), and whisky (for prosperity). This first-footer should also be tall (can’t help you there) and dark-haired (could help you there, but not anymore). Why dark-haired? Since this tradition comes from a time when Viking marauders were a real threat, a blonde or ginger might mean you were about to get your head smashed in and your family was going to get abducted. Also, since the first one through your door sets the tone for the year, dissuade assholes from visiting.

How else can you have a Happy Pagan New Year? Drink a seasonal ale, wine, cider, mead or pretty much anything. No matter what you pour into your glass, you are covered pagan-wise. Pagan cultures brewed ales and beers for the winter solstice and the new year as a sacred ritual. Others drank cider and wine, and many of these cultures thought mead was the drink of the gods (until the next morning and that awful mead hangover). You can set off fireworks. Pagan cultures set fires to mark the transition from this year to the next. They also made loud noises and used bright fires to ward off evil spirits. You can do this now, but I warn you - while fireworks ward off dogs, it does seem to attract jerks. You can hang mistletoe. Roman Pagans held fertility rituals under mistletoe, which is exactly what you are picturing in your head this moment. So, if you really want to use mistletoe like a pagan, make sure you’re home alone (or even better, with someone you love…or like). If you are in public, make sure that you do our watered-down version of mistletoe smooching, or that those around you have signed waivers.

There’s no better time to let your inner pagan party than on New Year’s Eve! Eat, drink, be merry, and, whatever you do, wassail! Happy Pagan New Year!